why is everything that is happening to me is against me?
i have been suffering so much
for the longest time
shuddup to those mother fucking people who say that they go through ups and downs
for a month?
ya. i am sure its depressing. fuck off

i am so so so so stressed and depressed now
nothing is going right
the mother fucking love r/s
resigned without a job?
THATS FUCKNG RETARDED
how did i get the courageous to do so??
so impulsive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck you qwest!
the worst customer service!
the fucking lady was trying to yell at me for something that she said wrong?!
WTF?
now unclaimed property?
so much for the mother fucking USD 74.18!!!!!!!!!!
I made like 5 calls?!!!!!!!!!! and each time i bet it costs me at least RM5.
like almost RM 30!!!!!! OVER A YEAR!???????????????????????????????????????????/////

i hate mylifeeeeeeeee
who can i really tellllllllll
nobody would understand
they would only think that im depressed
and i like to complain and whineee
i hate my life

yi ge ji du mei you yong de ren!!!!!!!!!!1
wo hen tao yan wo zi ji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BENＤＡＮＮＮＮＮＮＮＮＮＮｎｎｎｎ
1st time sia, 2nd time emir, 3rd time qat!!!!!!!!!!
ALLLLLLLLLLLL FAIL AT FIRST STAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
uselessssssss
why do i never get selected???????????????????????????????????????????????
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
SO CHAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WHY KEEEEEEEEP ASKING ME WHAT JOB I WANT
I DONT KNOW eitherrr
I KNOWWWWWWWWWWW U WANT TO HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
BUT I FEEL SO GUILTY
FOR NOT TELLING U EARLIER
FOR MAKING U WALK UP AND DOWN JUST TO TALK TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE
FOR BEING WORRIEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
I HATE MYSELFFFFF SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WHY I CANT JUST DIE LIKE THATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
DIE FAST FUCKIN tar

cong xing qi liu dao jin tian
4 tian le
yi mei you jie dao ni de dian hua he email
hen xiang nian ni

ren jiu shi na me mao dun
hen xiang you ke shi you hen pa
dang mei you le you xi wang ni hui dao shen pang

xi wang ni guo de hao hao de
dui bu qi, shang hai le ni, rang ni diu nian le

wo jiu yao beng kui
cannot concentrate
can hardly smile
i miss him so so so so much
now that he doesnt call or msg me anymore
i should be happy
but i am not at all
is he okay
is he safe
i wish i can be with him again
but he is crazy
he lies a lot
i dont know which is real or wrong
why must he be like that
if he changes this part of himself
then we can be together again

you keep begging me to stay with you
why so late
i kept begging you to tell the truth
i gave you so many opportunities
now it hurts so bad for me to break off with you
i wish i could be with you again and work it out
but i know there will still be questions arising
and doubts and insecurities
its going to be another negative cycle

things i always like to have
marriage, ring, commitment, small lil gifts such as lovely cookies, photo album are things that i have always been appreciating
but because of doubts on what you say and how you act
that have ruined everything
until now even though you may have disclosed to me already
they still do not sound very clear and transparent and honest to me
thats what i am most scared of

dont die for me
be a good man
continue to be someone who does good for the world
dont be silly
i will be very hurt
be strong
i love you
i still do love you
but in a different way
please take care of yourself
i mmiss you

calm :D

i think the first time every i am posting a post in this blog
without ranting or madness
love CNY
i am feeling so calm now
love being with the family
food, movies, talking, gambling, doing nothing, and just being together
it makes me loved and supported
that anything bad happens to me will just be fine

i will continue to pursue my dreams calmly

i miss him a lot
but it's ok
at least i am very calm
i know i can never make you honest
make you tell me everything i want to hear
i dont want to force you
and please dont force me too
my heart is tearing
but calmly
no more scarring

i am so jealous
fuck u bitch
why do u want to brag on FB about you getting proposed?
i know you are very likable
but do u have to tell everyone about it?
why all the fucking students love you? just because you talk softly and act cute?
i hate u bitch
i hate people who get so much attention
why am i not as good

X X X

you think i don't want to be with you?
i dont know
i am scared of lies
despite me asking u numerous times
the stories are incomplete
and never will be complete
why do you want to beg me and call me and soften my heart again
when i am so determined to end the relationship already

i hate my life
i really do hate my life
its so painful