Wednesday, October 28, 2009

cant believe i used to love this person so much.fuck u

i am extremely irritated at W who annoyed hell outta me
why are you complaining so much when you are presented with so many chances or opportunities
i dont know why you are so lucky and keep getting love attention from people
and at the same time you fucking mistreated me and tease and talk sarcastically
i cannot believe why i used to like so much like this
so terrible
i really dont like it
i tried so hard for every single interview but i don't get all of them
while you only go through one stage of interview and you get jobs easily
why do people like you and that bitch get jobs so easily
just one freakng stage of interview and u get paid well
wtf is that
and now u freaking get offers from three companies?
and u are fan now and complaining
do u know that people like me who don't get good luck all the time or opportunities i have to try damn hard every single time just to get what i want???
ur post makes me feel like u 're very arrogant even though you aren't
i hate you for that
i hate the fact that you are bragging it even though not intentionally but indirectly hurt my self esteem
FUCK U

Thursday, October 15, 2009

death

suffocated
wo yao si wo yao si
it has been a good week with him
most of the time were happy
we fight again
again
whats new
because of my selfishness
not knowing how to plan
causes so much troubles and pain towards him and me
im not the boss
not that i donwan him to come stay in here
i dont want to create a bad impression
understand me?
i didn tknow that wearing jeans is goign to cause so much problem to u
i didnt know that the dvd player is not going to work
i suggested u to go to coffee place
the library wont let u go online
i dont want to look unprofessional
is this how i sacrifice people to make myself feel good
which in the end i don't feel good at all?
i feel so bad now
so so bad
but i dont know what and how to do
when i dont know how
i get all mad
i get pissed off
is it me or what
i cant seem to handle situations well
he is so pissed off at me now
and we can't communicate
how am i supposed to marry someone like that
or even better
how would someone marry someone like me
i feel torn
wish i could jump off the building and fall

Monday, October 5, 2009

Loneliness and Belittlement

Don’t know everytime after hanging out with her I feel very sad and angry

Not because that she treats her better or whatsoever

Don’t like it when she mentioned she is always ai mei with people

It makes me think that she was not loyal to me

It makes me wonder why everyone in the world is like that

Bf, L, P etc.. a lot more

Make me hate this world more

She also reminds me that I don’t have much friends…

Its quite true

Every week

Not too many people look for me

They do their own things

No one does actually sms me

Except for L and S

They care about me so much and will ask me out

The rest

No one would really ask me out

Why does she need to brag about how many friends she has

In order to make me feel inferior

I understand that a lot of people look for her

I understand that she will never feel lonely

But meanwhile I feel so insignificant

I feel like I have no friends

Especially when it comes to birthday

Yeah nv and colleagues celebrated

But it wasn’t something bad and extraordinary happy

Other than that not many people called me during birthday

Not many really do remember me

You know how it feels?

I feel belittled

Just recalled that when I was in Bem it was not always happy too

Perhaps it was a place for me to escape, avoid, and run

And rarely thought about suicidal

I didn’t have much friends too

Maybe people found it hard to connect to me

Ben and yv always together

Em rarely bothered abt me

Jam, virg, lai

But rarely a whole group of friends

I did not really have a whole group of friends

Ever since high school

I couldn’t find groups of friends htat I truly feel connected to

None in college

A few in university

A few for colleagues

That’s about it

Unlike her

I know you have a lot of friends

But my tolerance level is very slow

Im fine with u having friends

However at the same time it makes me feel very small

And I am jealous

It makes me sad at myself

Who do I have no friends

I am happy that I am no longer with you

Now I am with a guy who is reaching in 3 / 4 hours

Super anxious

But I don’t know what to do with him