fucking retarded first post

I think I am so crazy
finally created this blog
I am so crazy

I just came back from interview. hate the person sitting next to me. she seemed to know how to answer most of the questions, whereas me was totally clueless. Yeah. the incompetent feelings. stupid. dumb.

Talked to the so-called bf. yeah. never felt really good with him, and still with him. why? giving him another chance? im fucked up man.

felt like my heart is being torn apart.

if im good enough. students would drop by and say hello. people stop saying hello. people stop talking to me. whats going on? maybe i ain't good enough. that scares me. don't like to accept reality. heart is beating so fast. wanna cry. yeah 24. acting like a 12 year old girl, immobile and dysfunctional like a 92. retarded.

hate that fucking bitch. fucking fucking fucking hate her. why are people so retarded only focus on physical appearance (the way she smiles, and the way she looks) and the fucking big fat ass, and the social butterflyness. crap. full of crap. people generally like people who are flirtatious???? whats the meaning of life? y r people fucking playful and nonloyal?? fucked up fucked up fucked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! y do people like her get priorities such as people going after her, people eyeing for her, and great managerial post?? wtf??????? how is life fairrrrrrrr?????? i wanna be like that too.. but i dont want to be as fucked up as she is......... so what if she is capable and demonstrates leadership qualities....... fucking retarded... omfg cant breathe........ wish i could bump into the front car and just die... brothers car does not work well for me today........... feel like something is wrongggg.. not used to it.................. i hate my life i hate my lifeeeeeeee

i'd rather be aloneeeeeeeee
to be away from all these nonsenses
dont want to be alive
i think i am going depressed or maybe am already
and will die very soon. will commit suicide very soon. only if family is not an issuee.........

why do i always feel incompetent... i am not great in anything
i dont see my strength
i dont see the point of my bf
flirting with fucking sassy big ass bitch??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? that totally screw almost my wholeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee nighttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why am i not likable no moreeeeee???
colleagues used to like me.. people start to distance away from me or i start to distance away from meeeeeeeeeeee
why is that i dont have a clique ever since fucking high school.......... people whom i now do not treasure.. one has grown to ms. popular big fat ass fucking flirtatious so-called hot so-called gorgeous fuckingggg narcissistic BITCHHHHHHHH.......... wanna slappppppp her one dayy...... so annoyingggggg.. thinking every bit about her makes me wanna take my knife out and keep stabbing her.. wish she dies fast................ seriouslyyyyyyyyy............. another one tries to be popular wannabe... annoying as fuckkkkkkkk. no wonder no people like her.......... fucking retard.. so called good friend who has never messaged me on msn.. fuck u.. nobody messages me on msn anyways.. or rather. i get pissed off all the timeeeeeeeeeeeeeee people would not dare to approach me.. me such a hater... self hater and other hater.. i tell u what i will die very fast

dont know whats wrong with me.. i think im going psychotic.. zou huo ru mo is the right description for me..... seee the fucking student just passed by my office and did not say hi....... yeah he is annoying. but i need some fucking attention toooooooooo......... and the other fucking student who used to be so lively and bug me everyday.. wehre the fuck is that fucking retard studenttttttt??????? am i not doing a good job? must be
look at wtf i am doing nowwwwwwwww...................... so incompetent
inefficienttttttttttttttt DUMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

dont ask me how to love life.. i probably dont know how to........ i am fucking crazyyyy
i wanna cry.. i wanna stab myself... so much hatred.. i probably want to kill other people and myselffffffff............................. thats y i cant wait for the end of the world..............................................

cannot think.. the sky is so dark.................. illusional........ everything seems so negative to me.. anything everythingggggggg... i dont know what is positiveeeeeeeeeeeeeee
have i been like this since i am born or its just lately that i have gotten worse??????????????

my fucking bf doesnt love me enough. doesnt reassure me. i m fucking sure he was physically attracted to that bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
enoughhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've got enoughhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
Enough of knowing that I am not likable... not smart.. not capable....... so negativeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
who made me like that !!!!!!! not entirely my faulttttttttttttttttttttttt
people trigger meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

fuckkkkkkkkkkk offfffffffffff